I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
