I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
