last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Vodka?
Forever.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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