just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize