There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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