I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
