I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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