i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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