i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
