I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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