i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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