Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
