The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
