I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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