i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
