that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
50% drunk capacity currently
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
