guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
