Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
