So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
