May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
