She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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