the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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