It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
