You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
