is your mom at the bar?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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