i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
