I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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