Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
