So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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