Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
