I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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