I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
