i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
