I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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