Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
