If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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