I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
