I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
