um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
