How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize