he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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