considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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