so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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