i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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