the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
