So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
