got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
