If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
