Someone shit on the floor
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
