I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
