I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
