My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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