you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
