the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
