this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
