I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
