he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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