You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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