Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
