You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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