You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
