Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
