and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you made out with another girl for some wings
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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