The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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