And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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