I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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