Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
