how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
