I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
