Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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