It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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