I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
