sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she told me i tasted like america
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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