Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
