Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
