and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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