I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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