Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
