Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
well you can't waste a boner
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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