Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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