No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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