im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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