im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
