I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
